Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
