in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i wish my penis had a tongue
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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