so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
