No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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