I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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