I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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