If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm passing your future prison.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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