how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
