I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
