I just threw up on my dentist
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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