also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
