He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
