So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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