so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
