Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
