And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
