i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
