I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
