Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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