I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
