if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
