apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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