I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
