dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
