great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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