no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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