Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
