stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
