hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
