Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
