you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
