I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I think i got beer on your cat.
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