Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
