I bet he comes in French.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
