This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
