new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
