You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
