lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
did you just send me my own nude
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
