Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
