god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My ass is underappreciated
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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