I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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