Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
