I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
