Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(601): View more from Mississippi

Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed

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(706): View more from Georgia

If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.

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(847): View more from Illinois

So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?

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(310): View more from California

dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game

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(563): View more from Iowa

I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.

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(513): View more from Ohio

let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.

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(225): View more from Louisiana

So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up

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