my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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