I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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