Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
