In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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