thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
