I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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